Pasty Song – Written by Brian Webb
Oh Me Lads you ought to see the pasties
Two inches long in a plastic bag and the insides full of nasties
Carrots and peas and Kittikat all jumbled in a mess oh
And a packet of Rennies that come quite free, with the compliments of Tescos
I saw it in the Sunday times so I know it must be true
I saw it in the telegraph and the Observer had one to
An advertisement for pasties, the finest you can buy
Made by Tesco’s far away, in England tis no lie
So early Monday morning, I set off for the town
To Tesco’s supermarket, In Pydar Street tis found
They gave to me a trolley with four wheels and made of tin
How big then could this pasty be I thought me luck was in
I looked all up and down the shelves, All piled with tins so high
I searched amongst the cheese and ham, the bread, the veg the pies
I searched amongst the under wear, even opened doors and hatches
Then at last I found one hid behind a box of matches
I felt so sorry for the thing all pale and all alone
Says I perhaps you’Il grow a bit, if I do take you home
So I went up to the checkout and then I turned quite cold
It cost me thirty six new pence – the buggers made of gold!
But I put it in me pocket, and homeward made me way
That’s when me troubles started and for a fine I had to pay
When the pasty fell from out a hole and on the ground did splay
They fined me twenty pounds you know for fouling the highway